December, 2002
maybe you could tell me what it was like to come out to your family. i think that would be considered a pretty big life-changing event?
Coming out to my mom was harder than my dad. My dad responded, "so, are you seeing anyone?" My mom says she was anticipating I was gay when I was in high school, and that my telling her was a big nightmare coming true. She was scared, I don't think she knew too many lesbians and certainly didn't know what a huge, supportive community was out there at the time- that I was a part of. My mom is my best friend and the hardest thing to say to her was "i won't accept you just accepting this. You must embrace this part of me, and I'm not coming home until you do". I was harsh and I'm not sure that was right, but that was my reaction. She went out immediately, bought every book on the topic, and got down to business. I have always loved her tremendously, but I respect her so much for that year- which I wouldn't have though of at the time.. because, It's funny- when I came out, finally, it wasn't a feeling of "oh, jeez, this is going to be something to deal with". It was really just an ecstatic thing. I was so happy to be queer! I don't know if it's a choice or natural, or how sexuality works: none of us know, I guess. But, I would definitely have chosen the way I am, if it didn't feel so normal, anyway.
1. when did you move to your current home. Why did you choose the community you live in?
I moved to New York City five years ago, after attending school at Wesleyan University in Middletown, CT. I was a government major, with a heavy concentration in theatre. I moved to NYC because I felt that was there a vibrant alternative performance community existed, as well as a strong queer community. I lived on the Upper West Side, with my best friend from college, David, who was another reason I decided to move to New York actually (some of the biggest decisions we make, we just follow people who we think know better, right?!). It was a small apartment, we had to sleep in the same bed, which was just like a sitcom- and this was before Will and Grace! but it was just like that.. I waitressed and worked at Oscar Wilde, a gay bookstore, in the West Village, which I loved! I was also going on auditions and seeing lots of alternative theatre, and just walking around the city, writing in my head.
2. did you go to college? what did you hope to become? have you done what you dreamed of doing?
well, i always wanted to perform fulltime, so in that sense, I am certainly living a portion of my dream. But, I try not to envision too much, because the best turns in life are often surprises. I never could have imagined that I would be doing folk poetry fulltime, mostly because there were no examples of that when I was a kid. One of my biggest dreams is knowing more about world history/herstory, and that's attainable, just takes a lot of work!
3. what has been your greatest struggle in life?
well, growing up as a radical in a country that does value progressive politics has certainly been
difficult- though also responsible for my biggest growth (like most good struggles!).4. what has been your greatest accomplishment?
Developing and maintaining a community of friends,artists and allies across the country who I cherish in so many ways. They keep me together when I'm falling apart, remind me of who I strive to be.
5. what is your definition of success? do you feel successful (by those standards or others)?
Well, I remember when i was on the cover of Ms. Magazine,and I thought "oh my gawd! I made it!" And then, I realized that Ms. Magazine is only even semi-big in my circle, it's not distributed in many places, because feminism is not valued in many places. Nonetheless, I knew that my progressive circle would be thrilled, as was I! So, success is relative. But, the idea that I get to speak my truth fulltime each night is something I wake up each morning in awe of. That's success to me-working on being as true to myself as possible in this corrupt system.
6. what do you think of when you hear the phrase 'the american dream'?
I think of fooling people into thinking they can "make it by their bootstraps", without offering them the tools to make it. I think of a country that was founded by immigrants, who killed the Native peoples who lived here originally, and then increasingly became xenophobic towards all other immigrants. I think of manipulation, car commercials, and the general replacement of "ideas/values" with "things/products". I think of a capitalist market that devalues labor, while depending upon it.
7. what is your happiest memory?
My father playing softball with me in the backyard, learning theatre games at a summer program with other young artists, my Nuyorican poetry team jumping up and down in a hugging circle, after winning the National Poetry Slam, celebrating New Year's Eve with my mom at age seven with fifty bowls of candy, my first rugby game, kissing a girl for the first time.
8. what was your parents idea of success?
I was raised by three intelligent, brave, kind people, who gave me all of the support and dedication parents are capable of. I was raised with the privilige of never being in dire need of anything, and of being in support of all my growing curiousities. I grew up with the premise that your job, given any privilige, is to give back to society in every respect. I think my parents would have been disappointed, or felt unsuccessful in their parenting, if they thought I wasn't contributing meaningfully to other peoples' lives, wasn't engaged in the complexities of bettering myself and our world, didn't take these on as serious responsibilities. fortunately for myself, I do. I take it really seriously. Um, really seriously.